January 28th 2008

John McCain
Senator John McCain avoided answering how he would capture Osama Bin Laden when asked by Washington Wire. The Republican candidate said that “he will not telegraph his punches.” How old is McCain that he “telegraphs the punches”? Doesn’t he know of the existence of e-mails?

Wedding Shower
Barbara Bush revealed over the weekend that Jenna Bush and 15 girlfriends had her Wedding Shower at the White House. Apparently, Jenna’s friends were told not to bring any adult toys because you can still find some if you look carefully in some hidden places in the oval office.

Super Bowl
Fox Network said they are not going to run any political ad during the Super Bowl. Apparently they already had too many problems last time they showed a boob during the Half Time show.

Cold
A man in New York broke the world record for standing completely submerged in ice when he did it for 72 minutes. Not everybody agrees; some Guinness officials believe the record is still in the hands of those forced to spend time with Hillary in her campaign trail.

JFK
A day after his win in South Carolina, presidential hopeful Barack Obama got the endorsement of Caroline Kennedy, former President John F. Kennedy's daughter. The next day, Ford offered Obama another endorsement if he helps promote a new line of convertibles.

Helmet
An experimental helmet which scientists say could reverse the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease within weeks of being used is to be tried out on patients. The only problem is that most patients forget to put it on.

Memory
Scientists in England said they have firm evidence that chimps have better memory than humans. During the research a chimp beat the British memory champion 3 times at a computer memory game, and when asked about the 2008 US elections, the chimp refused to vote Republicans.

Scientists in England said they have firm evidence that chimps have better memories than humans. Apparently, they were in touch with the scientists that designed the helmet in the previous joke.