January 21st 2008

MVP
The NBA is blessed this year with so much talent that is hard to decide who is going to be the MVP with so many deserving candidates… unlike the 2008 presidential elections.

Economy
President Bush gave a speech Friday about an economic stimulus package to revitalize the economy ruined by the mortgage crises. The solution: Mortgage the country.

Hillary
Political analysts believe the Latino vote helped Hillary win the Nevada caucuses Saturday. Apparently Latinos thought Hillary is going to do much more to help their families come to America, as they can smuggle so many of them in Hillary’s trunk.

Cold
Researchers in Europe reported on Monday that a nasal spray made from Atlantic Ocean seawater eased wintertime cold symptoms faster. Thanks, we just gave Dick Cheney another excuse for waterbording.

Cell phones
A joint project between some Swedish and U.S. researchers has determined that using your cell phone right before bed can have a negative effect on your sleep. Especially if the last call you get is from your wife asking whose pair of panties where those she just found in your car

Spiderman
Spiderman alter-ego Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson have split after 21 years of marriage in the pages of the latest Marvel comic. Apparently she was tired of his web of lies.

Inflation
Inflation is at its highest rate in 17 years. Inflation has grown so much congress wants to check it for steroids.

Conan
TV talk-show host Conan O'Brien has bought a Los Angeles home valued at just under $10.5 million in preparation for his move from New York to take over the reins of NBC's "The Tonight Show". He was hesitant at first, but what pushed him to make the purchase was Leno’s latest monologue without the writers.

Drive Thru
A 75-year-old woman was handcuffed and arrested at a Clearwater McDonald's drive-thru, because police say she wouldn't pull her car forward. She was lucky though, if the impatient fatsos waiting in line for their orders caught her, they would have executed her.