February 7th 2008

Hey everybody I'm back in Newsday! Thanks to Mr. Rasak and Newsday for choosing one of my jokes and be featured among tremendous comedians. Thanks galore. (love that word)
Check it here.
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5567225feb07,0,1876350.story

Republicans
Senate Republicans blocked a bid by Democrats to add $44 billion in the stimulus package to help for the elderly. Another sign Republicans hate McCain.

Heath Ledger
Toxicology reports indicate Heath Ledger's system contained OxyContin, Valium, Xanax, Restoril and Unisom. To be fair with Ledger, most of Americans have those drugs in their system now to be able to put up with the primaries.

Toxicology reports indicate Heath Ledger consumed OxyContin, Valium, Xanax, Restoril and Unisom. Apparently, doctors didn’t waste any time on an autopsy to recognize the drugs; they just checked Britney’s bathroom cabinet.

Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse might write and record the next James Bond movie theme. She suggested the main character to be called “James Bong”

Hillary
According to campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson, late last month Senator Clinton loaned her campaign $5 million. Political analysts were shocked because lately she looked like she had the biggest campaign booty among Democrats.

According to campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson, late last month Senator Clinton loaned her campaign $5 million. I guess we know who hasn’t had any money to visit strip bars lately.

Rats
Today is the start of the Year of the Rat in the Chinese calendar. Congratulations to all the members of congress!!!

Wal-Mart
A police study in Coos Bay, Oregon found that panhandlers outside Wal-Mart can make $300 a day, compared to your average Wal-Mart cashier who's pulling in $300 for the week. Yeah, but panhandlers don’t have any kind of benefi……oops forget about that.