April 8th 2008

Bush
According to a recent survey, 61% of the top historians in the U.S. rank George W. Bush as the worst president ever. When the president was told about it, he said he still has some months to convince the other 39%.

According to a Russian newspaper, a sniper located in the airport roof that was in charge of protecting the plane where President Bush arrived, pulled his pants down and went number two without leaving his post. Apparently, that is part of Russia’s sniper training, to create a body-double of your protected subject to confuse people.

Obama
While campaigning in Butte, Montana, Obama refused a shoe-shine from a local hero there. Apparently, Barak didn’t want to show his shoe size because people will immediately realize what half of him is white.

Probably, all politicians hate shoe-shining in public because they do not want people to see the kind of shoes they wear to work: clown shoes.

Olympics
The Olympic torch was extinguished several times as it traveled through Paris. Apparently, the French air of superiority kept putting it out.

The Olympic torch was extinguished several times as it traveled through Paris. Apparently, the high price of oil is affecting everybody.

Fergie
Singer Fergie confessed that she drinks vinegar to have a six pack stomach. Ironically, men need another kind of six pack to be able to put up with her bad breath, now.

Singer Fergie confessed that she drinks vinegar to have a six pack stomach. Judging by her face, we all thought the only celebrity drinking vinegar was Renée Zellweger.

Women
A new study from the University of Michigan shows that having a husband creates an extra seven hours of extra housework a week for women. But in all fairness, wives still have more free time, because they do not have sex anymore.

Gas
The U.S. will have this summer the first drop in motor fuel consumption since 1991. Apparently, Americans do not need gas anymore because they do not have jobs to drive to.

Ashcroft
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft drew the ire of students at liberal Skidmore College this week when he confused the name of Barack Obama with that of Osama bin Laden. I don’t think Ashcroft got it, because he immediately apologized to Osama.

Police
A man in Pennsylvania lost more than 200 lbs. to be able to become a policeman. The man is expected to regain the weight back in two weeks after a strict diet of donuts and pizza.