July 28th 2008

Obama
An Israeli newspaper published Barack Obama's private prayer that he posted at Jerusalem's Western Wall. It starts “Dear Daddy....”

Senator Barack Obama said he didn’t travel to Europe and the Middle East as a president. Judging by the sale of the Chrysler building and Budweiser, Obama traveled to Europe and the Middle East as a Real Estate Agent.

Richard Simmons
After speaking in Congress, Richard Simmons said some day he would consider running for office. He is well qualified; he’s made more fat women happy than Bill Clinton.

Richard Simmons says he may run for political office. Some Republicans feel Simmons would make a perfect running mate for John McCain. Simmons would shore up McCain's image with gays and women, and Richard could use the slogan, "Sweating with the Oldy." (thanks Frank)

McCain
Senator John McCain McCain is desperate for some media attention. The other day he went jaywalking in front of Robert Novak’s car.

John McCain was interviewed by George Stephanopoulois Sunday. I don’t want to say McCain is afraid of being ignored again, but he crazyglued his palm before shaking Stephanopoulois’ hands.

McCain visited a German restaurant to counteract Obama’s visit to Germany. After Obama visited England and France, McCain decided to save time and visited the International House of Pancakes.

During a speech Thursday, McCain made a funny comment about Obama and laughed hard at his own joke. Jay Leno immediately called him for a job, not as a joke writer, but as canned laughter.

Shia LaBeouf
"Indiana Jones" star Shia LaBeouf was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday. He claimed he was just working on his upcoming movie, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Cristal…"

"Indiana Jones" star Shia LaBeouf was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday. Apparently, he is a Wall Street trader.

UPS
A delivery driver, who died last week of lung cancer, was transported to his funeral service Saturday in his own UPS truck by a coworker after he had requested so. It was his last chance to use all the forever stamps he had bought.

A delivery driver, who died last week of lung cancer, was transported to his funeral service Saturday in his own UPS truck by a coworker after he had requested so. Unfortunately, the UPS employee arrived late to the funeral and with the wrong body.

Surveys
Golfers live five more years than non-golfers do. Not because of the benefits of practicing the sport, they are just rich people.

A new poll finds that 85% of the U.S. is unhappy with the economy. The other 15% couldn’t be surveyed as they are now roaming the streets after losing their homes to the financial crisis.

According to a recent survey, Americans would rather go to the dentist and having a tooth drilled than cleaning their home. No wonder houses in England are so spotless...