July 15th 2008

Graduates
According to a recent poll from Monster.com, 48% of this year's college graduates say they plan on moving back in with their parents. The other 52% will move with their grandparents, because that is where their parents are living already.

Miss Universe
During the Miss Universe 2008 competition, Miss USA, Crystle Stewart, became the second Miss USA in a row to fall down during the evening gown competition of the Miss Universe pageant. The Bush administration is now blaming the “coxis” of evil.

Miss Venezuela has been crowned Miss Universe 2008. They have 25-cent-a-gallon gas and the hottest chick in the world... What is Cheney waiting for to attack!

Cigarettes
Researchers from the Institute of Psychology at King's College in London announced they're developing a pill which would mimic the effects of nicotine, because nicotine stimulates the brain and boosts a person's memory and ability to concentrate. That’s why those who smoke never forget what gave them emphysema in the first place.

Live
In a recent poll, Plymouth was voted the best place to live in the United States, not the city in Minnesota, but the Plymouth Voyager, because due to foreclosure, minivans are the only places Americans can afford to live in.

Driver
An Italian court has ruled the government must pay $157,700 in damages to a man who was told to retake a driving test because he was homosexual. Apparently, they suspected the man was gay when he went to take the driving test in a Hybrid.

Rave
Russian health officials said on Monday dozens of partygoers at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week lost partial vision after a laser light show burned their retinas. Nobody realized they were blind until the party was over, because they thought the bumping into each other was just part of the dance.

McCain
John McCain said during an interview this weekend that he’s learning how to get online. He said he’s having a hard time with the "Com," because he already knows the dots and dashes from the telegraph.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton says that she's started exercising more since dropping out of the presidential race. She already dropped 200 lbs right after the primaries… when she got rid of Bill.

Hillary Clinton says that she's started exercising more since dropping out of the presidential race. But don’t be confused; the big biceps are just for lifting the glasses of Crown Royal.

Package
A company is selling "Penis Enlargement Pants" that make your privates look bigger. The only penis enlargement pants I know are to get into Jessica Alba’s pants.

Breaking up
Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have broken up. Apparently, he found out she was doing Mat Damon, Ben Affleck and the entire cast of Dogma.