July 8th 2008

Bush
In their first sit down as heads of state, President Bush called new Russian President Dmitry Medvedev a "smart" guy. Apparently, Bush saw the Russian president carrying a book.

President Bush turned 62 Sunday. As a present, his staff presented him with a wooden box made from a giant oak tree that fell on the White House lawn in 2007. The wooden Box came with a pretzel and card from the American people saying "Enjoy."

President Bush turned 62 Sunday; he had a cake with 62 candles, one for every supporter he still got left in the country.

President Bush says his greatest wish is for the world to be free of tyranny. He actually meant free of Tyra Banks, who apparently replaced the cartoon he used to watch at that hour.

Obama
Presidential candidate Barack Obama's plane landed unexpectedly in St. Louis on Monday after experiencing a mechanical problem on a trip from Chicago to Charlotte NC. In other news, photographers spotted Hillary Clinton walking away from the Chicago airport with stained mechanic pantsuits and a monkey wrench.

It was reported last week that Barack Obama is looking for a dog to take with him to the White House. Senator McCain doesn’t have that problem; he already has twelve pets: several dogs, three birds and Joe Lieberman.

Following the advice of Harry Truman who once said "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog," Barack Obama said that they will take the former president’s advice and get a dog in the White House. Obama already made some calls to Snoop Doggy Dog.

Olympics
Sunday was a day in the U.S. for trials to qualify for the Olympics in China. Organizers were confused; they’d thought this year millions of Americans were trying for the speed walking competition, but they were just walking because they couldn’t afford to pay for gas.

Bozo
The man who played Bozo the Clown has died. It took almost two days to prepare the body for the funeral, and that was just trying to empty Bozo’s pockets.

Weird
Two faceless people with a membrane of skin stretched tightly over their eyes, noses and mouths have been spotted at several important fashion events. There were rumors that they were aliens until someone saw their eyes, mouth and nose in the back of their necks due to all the plastic surgeries they had had.

Fake
A 52-year-old Milwaukee-area man has been accused of faking heart attacks to avoid paying restaurant bills and cab fares. It was hard to spot a fake when so many people have real heart attacks after a normal American meal.

Tourism
According to the U.N. World Tourism Organization, there was a huge drop in the number of tourists that came to visit the U.S. The millions that did come to visit the U.S. are landlords checking their property.