June 23rd 2008

House
A New Mexico couple has ended their effort to award their home to the winner of an essay contest, because they only received 675 entries and all of them from Ed McMahon.

Bush
President Bush toured the Iowa cities swamped by record flooding while thousands of volunteers were piling sandbags in an effort to stop more water from spilling into farmland in Missouri. There was an awkward moment when President Bush walked by a sandbag and buried his head under it.

The owner of a tiny island off Scotland declared its independence from the United Kingdom on Saturday, saying he wanted the territory, population one, to be a crown dependency like the Channel Islands. President Bush sent his congratulations and offered to send the new country our Constitution because we’re not using it anymore

Iraq
A female suicide bomber concealing explosives beneath her black robe struck outside a government complex northeast of Baghdad on Sunday. The Bush administration immediately looked for the positive side saying that things in Iraq are working because there’s now more gender equality.

Picture
Two Muslim women with headscarves who attended Barack Obama's event in Detroit were told they couldn't stand behind the candidate and were removed from the photo set. McCain was stunned and released a statement saying that they would shoot the Muslim women....I mean, photograph them...

Pact
An investigation has been launched into an apparent teenage "pregnancy pact" made by 17 high-school girls expecting babies. So far the evidence of the pact is a piece of paper with 17 X’s.

Lottery
Washington's Lottery is removing a scratch game featuring pictures of popular candies after a complaint that it could appeal to children. Apparently, officials are in the search of a chubby kid that has eaten the biggest prize.

Washington's Lottery is removing a scratch game featuring pictures of popular candies after a complaint that it could appeal to children. So to scare kids off the scratch games will feature pictures of vegetables.

Gas
On Thursday, for several hours, a Speedway station in the Cincinnati suburb of West Chester mistakenly advertised regular for $9.09 a gallon on a sign high above an interstate highway. The owners are now being prosecuted for attempting to kill Dick Cheney with overexcitement.

McCain
Senator John McCain visited Canada Friday; he wasn’t working on deals in case he becomes president; he, just like thousands of old people, went to Canada to get cheap medicine.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton will start campaigning with Barack Obama next week. Political analysts call it campaigning, she calls it bar hopping.

Fire
High temperatures have forced Firefighters to work hard to extinguish fires in California. Unfortunately, the appearance of firefighters excited other flames in California that were visiting town for the gay weddings.

Beer
A man in Australia used 5,800 beer bottles to build his house. He’s planning on building the tallest tower in the world so he has already called Hillary, Hasselhoff and Lohan to get the construction material.

Summer
Summer has arrived; women are wearing skirts, guys shorts, presidential candidates with flip flops…

According to a survey by "Men's Health" magazine, half of all women say their sexual desire peaks in summer. No wonder teens don’t want to get summer jobs; they are too busy with my wife.