June 19th 2008

Hey everybody, good news, I'm in Newsday! next to Leno, Stewart, Ray, Barach, great comedy writers! Thanks to all the people at Newsday and to Mr. Rasak for featuring one of my jokes... an honor... Check the link here:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5731974jun19,0,3510188.story

Obama
Two Muslim women with headscarves who attended Barack Obama's event Monday in Detroit were told they couldn't stand behind the candidate and appear in the picture. Just the opposite of what the McCain’s staffers did; they invited Muslim women to be in a picture... behind Obama...

Drilling
The governor of Florida has changed his mind and is now behind the idea of drilling off the coasts of Florida. He got the support of thousands of people, mostly living in Cuba, who see the oil rigs as rest areas on their way swimming to the U.S.

The governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, supports offshore drilling. Of course, he doesn’t need to dive in the Florida waters, Crist can WALK on water.

Titanic
An unused life jacket from the doomed Titanic ship will go under the hammer later this month in New York, Christie's auction house said on Wednesday. They expect tons of bids, mostly from people from the flooded Midwest.

Viagra
According to CBS News, more and more young men are turning to Viagra. With all the drilling offshore they are hearing on the news, they want to be ready for Spring break.

Alcohol
If you think you’ve had three glasses of wine at the bar, you’ve probably had between 4 and five, because according to a new study, bartender's pouring are probably a lot bigger and stronger than they're supposed to be. That’s inversily proportionate to the quality of women you take home from the bar; if you thought she was a 7, she's probably a 5 or a 3."

Thief
In Indiana, an 18-year-old boy stole $17.50 from a 12-year-old girl's lemonade stand. He immediately got a job offer from the IRS.

Coffee
A study found that just smelling coffee in the morning can get you revved up. Don’t give ideas to Starbucks; now they are going to charge us for only passing by one of their shops.