June 12th 2008

Hi there, I was having a pretty crappy week but fortunately today I got great news. Newsday picked up one of my jokes, so thanks to the people at Newsday and Mr. Rasak for choosing one of my lines, alway an honor! Check the link.....
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5723204jun12,0,4694417.story

Cigarettes
Senator Barack Obama told reporters in St. Louis today that he has fallen off the wagon and smoked cigarettes in the last few months despite’s Michelle Obama’s strong objections. Unfortunately for Obama, after his wife caught him smoking, the fist-bump turned into a fist-face salute.

Senator Barack Obama told reporters in St. Louis today that he has fallen off the wagon and smoked cigarettes in the last few months. Aren’t you supposed to smoke after you screw the country, not before?

McCain
Republican presidential nominee John McCain misspoke during a speech about using veto power as president, saying he'd "veto every beer." He corrected himself immediately, especially when he realized that only drunk can you vote for Republicans in the next elections.

Tomatoes
U.S. President George W. Bush declared his fondness for German asparagus on Wednesday. Millions of Americans immediately showed their love for the president new taste by sending him millions of fresh American tomatoes.

Life
The average life expectancy in the U.S. is now at a record 78.1 years. Apparently, people don’t want to die until they can see what it would be like living without Bush in office.

VH1
VH1 is starting another season of celebrity rehab; this one promises even more known celebrities, like former Guns ’N Roses drummer Steven Adler, Rod Stewart’s son Sean and Hillary Clinton.

Viagra
According to the New York Daily News, Roger Clemens regularly took Viagra to enhance his pitching performance. Apparently, the other players didn’t notice it because he also took steroids.

Weird
A kid in China had a penis removed after he was born with two. Apparently, the father decided to remove one of the kid’s penises to help him save money in the future so the kid won’t need to buy two Porches to compensate.