June 5th 2008

Breaking News! I’m in Newsday! Thanks to Mr. Rasak and the people at Newsday for choosing one of my jokes. It made my day. Thanks, check the link here:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun055713775jun05,0,3177889.story

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said he would welcome becoming a "marytr" after a judge warned Thursday that he faces the death penalty. Some groups don't want to give him that satisfaction and asked the judge not to kill him, especially the 72 virgins that find his chest hair and dirty looks disgusting.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton said Thursday that she was going to concede on Friday, but at the end of the day moved that day to Saturday. Apparently, she couldn’t pass the opportunity to screw the party for one more day.

According to some reports Hillary Clinton owes more than $30 million. Apparently, that’s the reason she cited for wanting to be Obama’s VP; she wants to save money by carpooling to the
White House.

Politicians
James Marzilli, a state senator from Boston, was arrested and charged for annoying and accosting a person of the opposite sex at a bench in a park. “Come on you guys, get a bathroom!” said Larry Craig.

Tribe
Scientists are debating if it would be convenient to approach an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon spotted by a helicopter last week. The tribe members were reluctant about being contacted at first, but said later that they would not oppose as long as they can run some casinos.

Baseball
A man in China stuck himself with 2,008 needles on his head, hands, chest and shoulders to demonstrate his patriotism for the upcoming Summer Olympics in China. Maybe Roger Clemmens was trying to show his love for the MLB when he stuck so many needles on his butt.

A minor league baseball team gave away a free funeral to one lucky fan Wednesday. Fans all over the country were mad they couldn’t win, especially the Seattle Mariners’ fans who wanted to use the free funeral for their own team.