May 28th 2008

McCain
During a Tuesday speech, presidential candidate John McCain said that the United States is still a very a young country. Unfortunately, after 8 years of Bush, the country is in desperate need of some botox.

During Tuesday’s speech, presidential candidate John McCain said that the United States is still a very a young country. It makes sense, 230 years is still young for McCain.

During Tuesday’s speech, presidential candidate John McCain said that the United States is still a very a young country. Then McCain finished the speech screaming, “You, young country, get off my lawn!”

Presidential candidate John McCain tried really hard Tuesday to avoid being seen next to President Bush during a fundraiser that Bush headlined to raise money for McCain. To guarantee no public exposure, the McCain’s campaign gave the exclusive rights of the broadcast to Katie Couric.

NASA
According to NASA reports, the international space station's lone toilet is broken. “Who’s crazy now?” said Lisa Nowak, the astronaut famous for wearing diapers.

According to NASA reports, the international space station's lone toilet is broken. Apparently, one of the crew members had the Taco del Mar Mondo Burrito pill.

Incredible Hulk
A new Incredible Hulk movie is about to be released. In this one, Dr. Bruce Banner transforms himself into the Incredible Hulk every time he pumps gas.

A new Incredible Hulk movie is about to be released. In this one, Dr. Bruce Banner turns green and drives a Prius.

Plastic Surgery
According to plastic surgeons, the most common surgery for professional men who want to remain competitive in the job market is a chin enlargement. And that makes me wonder: How many TV hosts are behind Jay Leno’s tonight show gig now?

Cold
A Taiwan man grieving over the death of his girlfriend climbed inside a morgue freezer to be with her and was only pulled out alive half an hour later, media and an official said on Tuesday. The man told the press it was beautiful, it felt like any other night with her.

Bush
President Bush said Tuesday he feels upbeat for the economy, which he thinks is starting to get better. It was another of Bush’s grammatical mistakes, instead of upbeat for the economy, he probably meant beat up by the economy.