May 15th 2008

Bush
During an online interview yesterday, President Bush said he'd made a personal sacrifice in honor of the troops in Iraq by giving up golf. Giving up golf? “Why didn’t I think of that?” said Jesus.

Girl Scout
A 15 year-old girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year, all of them to Roger Clemens.

A 15 year-old girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Apparently Michael Moore was hungry that morning.

A 15 year-old girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Apparently, changing the scout outfit for the Miley Cyrus look in Vanity Fair pays off.

A 15 year-old girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies to pay for her trip to Europe. Unfortunately, the airline now demands she buys two tickets because after eating all of those cookies she’s too fat for just one seat.

Drugs
According to medical records, the U.S. government has injected hundreds of foreigners it has deported with dangerous psychotropic drugs against their will to keep them sedated during the trip back to their home country. That proves, once again, that illegals get all the benefits in this country.

According to medical records, the U.S. government has injected hundreds of foreigners it has deported with dangerous psychotropic drugs against their will to keep them sedated during the trip back to their home country. Don’t you wish the government would do that to you before you board a Southwest flight?

According to medical records, the U.S. government has injected hundreds of foreigners it has deported with dangerous psychotropic drugs against their will to keep them sedated during the trip back to their home country. After hearing the news, Paula Abdul was seen walking around Home Depot and screaming "Si Señor!" to immigration officials.

According to a new study, 51% of Americans regularly take prescription drugs; the other 49% are not following the elections.