May 14th 2008

Hillary
After the victory in West Virginia, Hillary Clinton told her supporters nothing will stop her from running. If she continues running like this, she’s got serious chances to represent the US in China for the woman’s marathon at the Olympic Games.

Hillary Clinton obtained 70 percent of the votes in West Virginia or, for the voters in West Virginia to understand, way more than half of a pizza.

Political analysts say that Hillary’s strongest support comes from uneducated white people. Today President Bush gave his endorsement to Hillary.

Accident
A man in Texas used a loaded gun to scratch his back and ended up shooting himself. He wasn’t unhappy though; that day he had lots of gold-bond powder in his underpants.

Thief
A Malaysian woman woke up to a real-life nightmare, discovering that the naked man who had slipped into her bed in the middle of the night was a thief, not her husband, a newspaper said on Tuesday. But she didn’t say anything until the next morning and actually tipped the thief on the way out.

Bush
During an online interview yesterday, President Bush said he's made a personal sacrifice in honor of the troops in Iraq and gave up golf. Then he said “Psych, now watch my drive...”

During an online interview yesterday, President Bush said he's made a personal sacrifice in honor of the troops in Iraq and gave up golf. Ironically, a natural golf course opened in the Green zone of Iraq with all the sand and the holes left after the recent insurgent’s attacks.

Obama
During his campaign in West Virginia, Senator Barack Obama visited a local billiards hall to play pool with the locals. He had an advantage though; he never got the white in the pocket.

TV
Fox is premiering a new TV show in which wealthy people go undercover in impoverished neighborhoods. Apparently, the show is based on the recent elections.

Driving
According to a survey by Auto Vantage, 49% of people say they're enraged by drivers who eat or drink while they drive, the other 51% could not be understood because they were chewing fries and gulping sodas.

Poll
Arnold Schwarzenegger came in first in a poll of U.S. governors that strippers would like to date. Spitzer came first as the one they would like as a customer.

In a recent survey, thirty-nine percent of Americans say they'd be uncomfortable with a president first taking office at age 72; sixteen percent, uncomfortable with a woman taking office; and twelve percent, with an African American taking office. Good luck if you are an old, African American woman.

Latinos
Political Analysts believe that Latinos will play a key role in the November election. Well, as janitors, they have the keys to open all the polls.

Cameras
A new study concludes closed circuit cameras do nothing to deter crime in the U.K. But British people are going to leave them where they are because the cameras provide them with tons of videos for the TV bloopers shows.

Surgery
According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, there were 106,179 breast reduction surgeries in the U.S. last year. No wonder unemployment numbers continue growing.