June 16th 2008

Bush
President George W Bush has enlisted British Special Forces in a final attempt to capture Osama Bin Laden. Apparently, the president wants to ask Bin Laden about good places to hide because he might need them after he leaves office.

Pope Benedict met with President Bush Friday in the tranquility of the Vatican Gardens. Apparently, the week the pope spent in the U.S. wasn’t enough to confess the president.

The dollar has collapsed in the last year of the Bush administration. Everything has been planned very carefully; Bush wants to make the dollar worthless so nobody can complain if his face shows up in a future bill.

Gas
Americans are crossing to Tijuana to save money on gas. Apparently, they go there driving their SUV’s and come back riding a donkey.

R. Kelly
R. Kelly has been acquitted of child pornography charges. The victim was really pissed.

Obama
Most millionaires say the U.S. economy will rebound in 2009. Then they changed the term "rebound" because they were afraid it would have a racist connotation if Obama is elected.

The Obama campaign has a new web site to fight the attacks on him called "Stop the Smears.” Ironically, now Fox says Obama hates women and wants to stop the pap smears.

Sniff
A Singapore man with a penchant for sniffing women's armpits was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane on his buttocks for molesting his victims, a local newspaper reported on Friday. After they were done with the caning on the buttocks, the man begged to sniff the stick.

Airlines
A New York man committed suicide by jumping out of a plane without a parachute. It was bad the airlines would lose our luggage but now they are losing the passengers.

Tattoos
A tattoo artist in Dallas, Texas set a record by tattooing 415 people in 24 hours. The audience cheered when he finished his last tattoo, a beautiful little something…

Fathers
Kevin Federline got a "Father of the Year" award in Las Vegas over the weekend; unfortunately his kids were not with him when he received the award because he had forgotten them in the car that was parked outside the strip joint.

According to CareerBuilder.com's annual "Working Dads" survey, the bad economy is forcing 47% of men to spend less than three hours a day with their kids. And that’s because kids are forced to have 2 or 3 jobs!

Cell phones
According to the Associated Press, Governor Jim Gibbons is apologizing for using a state-owned cell phone to send more than 800 text messages to a woman he describes as a longtime friend. He immediately received a phone call from the Detroit mayor to find out what kind of cell phone plan he has.

Life
The average life expectancy in the U.S. is now at a record 78.1 years. Unfortunately, due to the bad economy, people are retiring at the age of 78.