June 17th 2008

Bush
President Bush told the English media that his brother Jeb should be president. When asked if he thinks Jeb would make a good president based on his administration as a governor, or his credentials, Bush said: "not at all, it’s just that three is a charm."

Conservative Republicans said Monday that Jeb Bush could be the candidate for 2012 claiming that Jeb is the smartest in the Bush family. That is like saying Ashley could be president because she’s the smartest of the Simpson family.

During his trip to London, President Bush had tea with the queen. It was pretty uncomfortable when Bush said he had already had tea with a queen… Larry Craig.

Dog
Manhattan Surrogate Judge Renee Roth has reduced the trust fund for Leona Helmsley's dog, named Trouble, from $12 million to $2 million. When McCain heard of a distraught bitch worth $2 million, he immediately thought of a Hillary supporter that might vote for him.

Manhattan Surrogate Judge Renee Roth has reduced the trust fund for Leona Helmsley's dog, named Trouble, from $12 million to $2 million. The dog is so poor now that it’s been forced to go back to plastic bags instead of Louie Vuitton, to pick up its dodo.

Weddings
Gay couples in California began swapping wedding vows yesterday morning. Some of the vows were so creative and flamboyant I thought I was at the Tony Awards ceremony.

Sunday's Tony Awards on CBS received the lowest TV ratings in the show's history. It is understandable; most of the audience was getting ready to get married on Monday.

Researchers say that gay men and straight women share many brain characteristics; they both found "Sex and the City" fabulous!

Oil
Saudi Arabia says that it will raise its daily oil production by 200,000 barrels. And that’s just to fill up the yachts of the oil company executives!

Saudi Arabia says that it will raise its daily oil production by 200,000 barrels after skyrocketing oil prices sparked protests and riots from Spain to South Korea. The extra production will calm down protesters because the tanks will be filled... the tanks and armored cars that will be used to disperse the riots.

Cars
A new study from Colorado State University found that drivers who decorate their vehicles are more prone to road rage, especially if you have the confederate flag, or the Nazi swastika painted in your car.

A new study from Colorado State University found that drivers who decorate their vehicles are more prone to road rage, especially if someone messes with my truck-nuts.

Dead
The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted for a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent, giving McCain a lot of hope for the upcoming elections.

Obama
The Barack Obama campaign announced Monday that they will hire Patti Solis Doyle, the former campaign manager to Hillary Clinton's presidential bid that left Hillary’s campaign in debt. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea; Patti Solis Doyle first proposal was to throw a $5 million party to celebrate her hiring.

Hero
An Italian man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend from a pub, taking her home and forcing her to iron his clothes, police said Monday. He became the hero of every man, he’s now known as the new “Iron Man."