June 24th 2008

McCain
John McCain wants to give a $300 million government prize to whoever can develop a car battery that helps break our dependence on foreign oil. Cheney offered $600 million to whoever kills the guy that develops a car battery that helps break our dependence on foreign oil.

John McCain hit the campaign trail Monday with two band-aids on the top of his head as a result of hitting his head on the roof of a car while trying to get out of it. If he can’t get out of the car without an injury, what can we expect with Iraq?

John McCain hit the campaign trail Monday with two band-aids on the top of his head as a result of hitting his head on the roof of a car while trying to get out of it. Apparently, he is not used to roofs in cars because he always rides Mobility Scooters.

Tribe
The unconctacted tribe in Brazil that made the media rounds on a picture a couple of weeks ago had been discovered already in 1910. Experts suspected this was not a lost tribe when they enlarged the picture and saw a Starbucks in the background.

Hiker
An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps for nearly three days was rescued after using her sports bra as a signal, police in southern Germany said Monday. Not only did she save her life, but she will now also be featured in the next Girl Gone Wild Climbing.

Democrats
The National Democratic Club sent a letter to all the members saying that they are raising the prices of the drinks due to an increase in the cost of alcoholic beverages. Apparently, since Ted Kennedy stopped drinking it’s hard for them to make much profit anymore.

The National Democratic Club sent a letter to all the members saying that they are raising the prices of the drinks due to an increase in the cost of alcoholic beverages. Apparently, that is part of Rush Limbaugh’s "operation chaos".

Obama
Barack Obama’s campaign said Monday that Obama will not use again a presidential seal with a phrase that read "Vero possumus," which can be roughly translated into "Yes, we can." Apparently, they designed a new one that reads: “Fo' shizzle my nizzle.”

Karl Rove said Monday that Obama is the kind of guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette. Rove immediately got criticized by members of the country club for assuming that they accept black people’s memberships.

Cell-phone
A person in Ohio hid a cell phone up his butt after he was caught taking pictures of a naked woman. His inmates are going to have so much fun dialing the cell phone in the shower…

Drunk
Police in Australia have charged a man for drunk driving in a motorized wheelchair after he was found to be six times over the legal alcohol limit, local media reported on Monday. Why do you think he was on the wheelchair in the first place?