June 26th 2008

Economy
Some conservative economists say they are hopeful about a rebound in the economy and say there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, for most people the light at the end of the tunnel is off because they didn’t have the money to pay their electricity bill.

Airline
A new airline passengers' bill of rights has been introduced in the U.S. House. Sorry, but it won’t fly.

Surviving Pig
A pig that survived for 36 days buried beneath rubble in quake-hit southwest China has been hailed as a symbol of the will to stay alive, state press reported Monday. Apparently, there were several attempts to save the pig before, but it refused to leave the rubble until it had an all Jew rescue team that would not try to eat it.

FISA
The House passed the FISA bill, a bill that gives immunity for telecommunications companies, by a 293-129 vote. Republicans were smart to choose FISA as name because most congressmen thought they were voting for the company that makes Viagra.

Unity
Former rivals Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton plan to campaign together Friday in the small New Hampshire town of Unity, a name chosen to represent their mutual feeling. Meanwhile, McCain and President Bush chose another town for future campaign meetings: Embarrass, WI.

Sweat
Old Spice released its annual list of the Sweatiest Cities in America and Phoenix, Arizona is on top. Apparently, people in Phoenix sweat their armpits off when they see their senator, McCain, campaigning to become president.

Campaign
A reporter who tagged along with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on a swing through southern Indiana complained that the Obama campaign billed him $115 when he only had a cup of soup and a turkey sandwich. Maybe if Hillary had done the same, instead of giving free drinks to reporters, she wouldn’t own any money now.

Plastic surgery
According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, nearly one in five Americans will be getting cosmetic surgery by 2015, mostly ex-employees of the Bush administration that will need to change their faces to get a new job.

Ted haggard
Ted Haggard, the evangelist forced out of his job after being caught up in a sex scandal involving a male prostitute, has left a "spiritual restoration program" and said he is ready in touch with Jesus, and by Jesus he means his gardener.

Brothel Bus
Miami Beach police arrested 6 people and impounded a limousine bus that cruised Miami Beach offering sex aboard. How bad is it the foreclosure affecting the country that now bordellos run on wheels?

Nader
Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader accused Sen. Barack Obama, of appealing to "white guilt" during his run for the White House. Apparently during his speeches Obama always goes out of his way to make White people responsible for According to Jim.

Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader accused Sen. Barack Obama of trying to "talk white." Obama’s diplomatic response didn’t wait. “Hey, Nader, tell me how my a... tastes... Nader, tell me how my a... tastes...”