July 29th 2008

Dancing with the Stars
Rev. Al Sharpton rejected an invitation to be part of "Dancing with the Stars." Jesse Jackson offered to take his place as long as he could dance the "Nutcracker."

Obama
Barack Obama, saw a doctor at the University of Chicago Medical Center on Sunday night to deal with a sore hip. I think he’s exaggerating; he said that he’s changing the name of the new edition of his book to "The audacity of the Hip."

Barack Obama, saw a doctor at the University of Chicago Medical Center on Sunday night to deal with a sore hip. Doctors told him he’ll be fine in a week; in the meantime reporters will carry Obama on their backs so he doesn’t have to walk.

McCain
John McCain had to have a small patch of skin removed from his face yesterday. McCain told the press that it’s nothing to worry about because this is not the first time he’s got skin removed. In fact he’s got so much skin removed they are thinking of building a VP out of it.

Budget
The U.S. budget deficit will widen to a record of about $490 billion next year, an administration official said. Bush told the press not to worry because by the time he leaves office, the value of the dollar will be so insignificant that $490 billion will feel like nothing.

TV
According to experts, the digital TV switchover will make VCR’s obsolete. When McCain heard the news, he cancelled all his future meetings at 5 PM because he won’t be able to record "Murder she wrote" anymore.

China
Chinese officials have set up a "sex determination lab" to test man-looking Olympic athletes competing as women. It is not that expensive, they just give the athlete a remote control and if the athlete knows hot to use it, he’s a man.

Seacrest
Ryan Seacrest said that he was bitten by a shark over the weekend. Nothing serious, just a gay lawyer at the club where got quite romantic.