September 8th 2008

John McCain
John McCain said Sunday that he’d pay only one dollar per year to future members of his cabinet. The possible candidates’ names have been leaked already: Jose, Juan, Jesus...

John McCain said Sunday that he’d pay only one dollar per year to future members of his cabinet. What McCain is not telling you is that the future annual salary for Americans under his administration is probably going to be two cents.

Republicans had good and bad news after McCain’s speech at the Republican National Convention Thursday. The good news, almost 40 million people watched McCain’s speech. The bad news, almost 40 million people watched McCain’s speech.

John McCain’s speech at the GOP convention reminded everyone of the sacrifice he did for the country when he was imprisoned and tortured by his captors. McCain wanted the audience to experience what he went through, and he accomplished that especially torturing them with such a boring speech.

John McCain said Sunday that he would put Democrats in his cabinet. And keep them there until they know what it feels like to be in a cage like he was in Vietnam.

TV
Fox Network debuted a show Sunday called "Hole in a Wall" where contestants are supposed to go through a wall. As you can imagine illegal immigrants will win all the shows of the first season.

Ratings
According to Nielsen Media Research, the Republican National Convention scored huge ratings. Apparently, the ratings were not that high in Alaska, because, judging by Palin’s big family, they don’t waste much time watching TV there.

Robbery
A robber in a wheelchair entered a Dallas 7-Eleven, beat the cash register with a baseball bat until it opened, and left only with a lot of condoms and an energy drink. Police suspect that, judging by the urgency and the loot of the robber, the bat wasn’t actually a bat.

Cell phones
A study says that cell phones can cause people sleepless nights from the radiation they emit. Or just by getting a phone call from your girlfriend telling you she didn’t get her period this month.

Dogs
According to a recent study, a Great Dane can cause you up to $1,177 in damages in its lifetime. “Or in a minute if it loses the fight,” said Michael Vick.