August 27th 2008

Hey everybody, I'm featured in Newsday! Thanks to Mr Rasak and the people at Newsday for considering one of my jokes. It's always an honor. Here's the link, check it out...
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5817596aug27,0,1740704.story

Democratic National Convention
Political analysts said that Hillary Clinton’s speech at the Democratic National Convention successfully united her supporters with Obama’s. No word yet if she’s working on a speech to unite her marriage.

During the National Democratic Convention, attendees chanted repeatedly "only 4 months". It is a very safe slogan, only 4 months until Bush is gone, or even if Democrats lose, only 4 months of McCain’s presidency until he’s gone too.

Rudy Giuliani arrived in Denver on Tuesday. He was hard to find, apparently he was in drag disguised as a disgruntle Hillary supporter giving interviews to Fox News.

Trojan is giving away free condoms at the Democratic National Convention. "Why didn’t you give away those at the primaries" said John Edwards?

Trojan is giving away free condoms at the Democratic National Convention. It makes sense because it seems Democrats have been screwing each other since the convention started.

On Tuesday, some of the speeches at the Democratic National Convention were about the economy. Most of the orators ensured America that on the day one of the Obama’s presidency, unemployment will decrease to the lowest level ever. Apparently with all the crazy lunatics that want to kill Obama, he’ll need to hire millions of people to protect him.

McCain
A widely watched index released Tuesday showed home prices dropping by the sharpest rate ever in the second quarter. Which is good news for McCain and Cindy because they wanted to go house shopping this weekend to get houses to match the shoes she bought last week.

Baseball
A nine-year-old little leaguer in Connecticut has been told that he's too good to pitch in the Youth Baseball League. He was also told he was too good to pitch against the Mariners’ hitters.

Movie
Warner Brothers is working on a new "Superman" movie. The plot is a little different, this time Clark Kent doesn’t need to get into his outfit, he’s just superman because he can survive with a reporter’s salary.

Mexico
Mexico's president met with 32 of its governors to create a plan to combat rising crime. The plan: they will stop stealing from the Mexican people for a while.