August 20th 2008

Big Foot
The Bigfoot that was discovered in Georgia was just a hoax, a Web posting asserted Tuesday. The creature turned out to be a hairy thing made of rubber: Joan Rivers…

McCain
It was reported Monday that John McCain might announce his VP candidate on August 29, the day of his birthday. Apparently, McCain doesn’t want to discard anybody before his birthday; why ruin the chance to get more and better birthday’s presents?

John McCain is criticizing NBC news for giving Barack Obama more-favorable press coverage. Then he realized that the tall guy NBC loves so much was Michael Phelps.

John McCain and his traveling aide flew in a helicopter to an oilrig off the coast of New Orleans in the Gulf of Mexico that produces more than 10,000 barrels of oil per day, exactly the amount they needed to power the helicopter ride to get there.

Tropic Thunder
Tropic Thunder is the number 1 movie at the box office. Everybody talks about Robert Downey Jr.’s performance as a white man that undergoes surgery to become black. I guess when he wins the Oscar, he’ll have to thank those who inspired him in that role, like Condoleezza Rice.

Olympics
A British statistician found that athletes born in certain months were more likely to thrive in particular events. Like if you were born months before the Olympics started, you could have won a gold medal with the Chinese Gymnasts team.

Officials from the International Table Tennis Federation are urging female players to sex up their uniforms to increase attention to the sport. Unfortunately, I cannot write their suggestion for the serve, but you probably saw it in some adult movies.

Phil Collins
Phil Collins is paying his third wife $50 million after a marriage that only lasted 6 years. Apparently, he agreed to pay so much when she threatened him she was going to "sue sue sue him..."

Convention
The city's visitors' bureau in Denver said Tuesday that the Democratic convention is expected to bring in an estimated $160 million, and that is just in hush money.

A Hair salon in Denver is offering free haircuts to homeless people to help them boost their self-esteem and get ready for the Democratic National Convention. Among those homeless who needed a haircut, John Edwards…

Drinking
College presidents from about 100 of the nation's best-known universities are calling on lawmakers to consider lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. Apparently, they all agreed that drunk is the only way teens will find the presidential candidates appealing.

PartyDuring an interview in NPR, Democratic Party chair Howard Dean referred to the GOP as the "white party." Republicans calmed down when Dean explained that by White Party he meant cocaine.