August 18th 2008

Obama
CNN Thursday showed pictures of a shirtless Obama during his vacation in Hawaii. McCain was furious because not only does it look Obama is going to beat him in the next elections, but also with the man boobs Obama spotted in those pictures, he is likely to beat Cindy McCain in the Buffalo Chip beauty contest as well.

CNN Thursday showed pictures of a shirtless Obama during his vacation in Hawaii. Apparently, Obama told the photographer to tell Republicans that he was ready to protect the country and then he flexed and said "With these guns!"

Pictures of the presidential candidate Barack Obama body surfing in Hawaii are being shown around the world since Friday. It was a calculated move from Obama, he knew that a picture of him swimming would hype his half-white side and help him in the polls.

McCain
McCain and Obama appeared briefly onstage together and shook hands during a faith forum at a California megachurch. I think McCain is exaggerating with the idea that “Obama is a celebrity” thing, especially when he asked Barack to sign his rack.

Russia
Russian media is saying that the conflict in South Ossetia was part of a plot by Dick Cheney to stop Barack Obama from being elected president. Cheney immediately denied those rumors and said the conflict wasn’t to stop Obama; it is just that the doctor told him that as a prescription he should start a war every 5 years to keep his heart going.

Ellen
Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi got married on Saturday. Apparently, the similarity between a middle aged man and middle aged lesbian is clear, a man would get a Porshe, a lesbian a Portia…

Democrats
Security is going to be pretty tight at Mile High Stadium in Denver where the Democratic National convention will take place. No alcohol, food, or any kind of weapons will be permitted; that’s just for Hillary, the rest of the crowd can bring anything they want.

Republicans
Rep. Bill Sali (R-ID), said that the best way to bring down gas prices would be extracting oil from trees because forty percent of the mass of every tree in the forest is crude oil. "That’s not true," said Woody Woodpecker in a written statement sent from his Mansion in the Hamptons.

Olympics
The US synchronized diving team couldn’t collect a medal. Maybe we should have brought our best synchronized diving team: Bush and Congress; nobody goes down faster at the same time.

The media is surprised by the poor sales of tickets in China, with events in which stadiums are half-empty. Well if you were forced to work 23 hours a day you’d want to use the other hour to sleep.

President Bush called Michael Phelps after his record breaking Olympics. Bush didn’t call to congratulate him, he just wanted to know if he could get any of the phone numbers of the Beach Volleyball Team’s chicks.

The Olympics were a success for NBC. The most popular competition is track & field with the 100 meters race, and the 400 meters race. Still the only race nobody cares about is the presidential race.

Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart’s hourly employees complained Friday that managers of the company told them that they should vote for McCain. Employees thought it was outrageous; years of working for the company and the owners still don’t know illegals can’t vote!

Septuplets
A 27-year-old Egyptian woman gave birth to septuplets in the coastal city of Alexandria, family members and the hospital director said. By the time the seventh baby was out, the first one had grown a moustache and had started dating.