August 4th 2008

Obama
Senator Obama said Saturday that McCain’s campaign strategy is never to talk about McCain himself and only talk about Obama. McCain couldn’t wait to respond. "Obama is crazy," he said.

Obama said Thursday that McCain is telling America that Obama doesn’t look like the presidents in the dollars bills. Unlike McCain that looks like all of them: dead…

In a new commercial, the McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, which is wrong because we all know Paris Hilton is pro drilling and Obama not so much.

During a recent commercial, McCain called Obama the biggest celebrity in the world. After he heard that, Christian Bail got mad and beat up his mom and sister again.

In a new commercial, the McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears. They are onto something; both Britney and Barack have two kids, they both smoke, and they both have someone begging them for money all the time: K-Fed and Hillary.

During a speech on Thursday, Obama said that the best way to save energy is to inflate your tires. Apparently, you pump your tires so much you don’t need gas because your car starts floating in the air.

Oil prices jumped as much as $5 a barrel after it was reported that oil demand hasn’t decreased in the U.S. It is not that people are driving more; most of the gas lately is being used to fuel the presidential campaign.

Joke
A London university has traced the world's oldest recorded joke. You can hear it on Tuesday on the Jay Leno Show.

A London university has traced the world's oldest recorded joke. And no; it is not John McCain.

Cat
The owner of Powder, a 44-pound cat, that became the media sensation last week, said she had to abandon the cat because her home was foreclosed. Apparently, she was using most of her money to feed the fatty monster.

Congress
Speaker Nancy Pelosi turned off the microphones in Congress Friday when Republicans tried to remain in session and demand offshore drilling. Things got a little confusing when Republicans tried to see if the microphones were working; every time they said "Check, Check," two or three lobbyist would show up with some money.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi turned off the lights and microphones in Congress Friday when Republicans tried to remain in session and demand offshore drilling. It didn’t take long for somebody to tell Larry Craig that what he was reaching for wasn’t a microphone.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi turned off the power in Congress Friday when Republicans tried to remain in session and demand offshore drilling. Come on, it’s not like congress has any power left anyway…

Cells
The cell phone has been named the most life-changing gadget, especially if you are the mayor of Detroit.

The cell phone has been named the most life-changing gadget, and the most dangerous one if you are Naomi Campbell’s maid.

Cars
The Transportation Department said Americans reduced their driving by billions of miles last month. Things are getting so pathetic, car salesmen need to add miles in the speedometer so people don’t suspect they are getting a lemon.

Banks
Bank regulators closed a small Florida-based bank on Friday, the eighth U.S. bank to fail this year under. Good news if you're in the mattress industry!