August 11th 2008

Edwards
The National Enquirer, a supermarket tabloid with really bad reputation, got a lot of new respect after it published several articles about John Edwards having a baby with a mistress. I think the Enquirer got cocky; now they are saying the baby is the infamous bat boy.

Some reporters believe that John Edwards’ admitting his extramarital affair on Friday, the inaugural day of the Olympics, was a calculated move because people will forget by Monday. Edwards’ staffers went a little overboard; they didn’t need the war in Georgia.

John Edwards admitted Friday he had had an affair with a woman but said he’s not the woman’s baby’s father and would be willing to take a paternity test to prove it. Find out more next week in a special edition of the Maury Povich show.

Bjarne Hermansson of Finland is the new Sauna World Championship as she endured the heat of a sauna for 18:15 minutes. Still she didn’t sweat as much as John Edwards when he saw the cover of the National Enquirer.

Obama
In a new commercial, Obama says that big oil companies have donated almost $2 million in contributions to the McCain campaign. McCain claims now that he’s returned the money back, every time he fills the tank of his tour bus.

Cheney
The White House says Vice President Dick Cheney will speak at next month's Republican National Convention. The heart might suffer, not his, the heart of every McCain’s fan that wants the senator to hold any chances in the upcoming elections.

President Bush and Vice president Dick Cheney will speak on the same day at the National Republican Convention. In fact, they will both be speaking at the same time and Bush will sit on Cheney’s lap.

Beef
Whole Foods Market is recalling fresh ground beef, because of worries over E. coli bacteria contamination. The company now needs to determine if it was the horse or the rat meat that were contaminated.

Iraq
Iraq could end up with a surplus of $79 billion. Maybe it is time we get liberated too


Drummers
88 drummers in LA and New York gathered on Friday to play in each city to mark the eighth day of the eighth month of 2008 as a way to attract luck. Unfortunately the ones that were not lucky were those in LA and New York who ordered pizzas that day because there was nobody to deliver them.