August 5th 2008

Obama
Barack Obama celebrated his birthday yesterday. He received tons of presents, including gold, frankincense and myrrh from the three wise men.

Barack Obama celebrated his birthday yesterday. He refused to blow the candles, just to avoid a new comparison with Paris Hilton.

In a new commercial, the McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears. I would avoid the comparison Mr. McCain, especially when one of Britney’s most famous song is "I’m a Slave 4 you."

Freeman
Morgan Freeman was involved in a serious car accident in Mississippi. Gee, the producers of Batman are insatiable.

Airlines
JetBlue Airways started charging passengers for pillows on Monday. They know the passengers’ weakness; we all need something to bite while we’re getting screwed by the airlines.

McCain
John McCain accused Obama of using the race card during the campaign. Apparently, when you have political credit you can use the Race Card, The Visa Card and the MasterCard.

According to a professor of journalism and political science at American University, Obama’s photos almost double the number of McCain’s photos published in the newspapers. That’s arguable, there are tons of McCain’s photos in the paper, you just don’t see them because they get lost in the white background.

Surgery
According to Dr. Miguel Sabino Neto, women who've had breast reduction surgery are generally happier after they have the procedure. Their husbands? Not so much…

Bradgelina
People Magazine paid $14 million dollars for the pictures of Angelina Jolie’s and Brad Pitt’s twins. That makes Brad Pitt’s sperm almost as valuable as oil.

Polls
According to a recent survey, John McCain and Barak Obama are tied in the polls. This could give McCain and advantage as he has way more experience “being tied.”

Iraq
Several soldiers coming from Iraq are said to be hard of hearing due to the dealing with explosions and gunshots. Ironically, the deafest of them all when it comes to the war is President Bush and he has not heard a single gunshot since the war started.

Giggle
A 20-year-old student from Barrow upon Soar, Leicestershire, has cataplexy and could be paralyzed if she gets a fit of the giggles. Doctors immediately recommended avoiding watching any of Bush’s speeches.

A 20-year-old student from Barrow upon Soar, Leicestershire, has cataplexy and could be paralyzed if she gets a fit of the giggles. She’s safe as long as she watches all of Mike Myers’ latest movies.

Economy
The media showed Tuesday some pictures of a 22 year old marketing student from Pune, India, who was born with 12 fingers and 14 toes. He was immediately contacted by the Bush administration to make him in charge of the U.S. economy.