August 21st 2008

Cameras
More and more security cameras are being installed everywhere in the country, elevators, stores even on the streets. We finally know why Americans are so fat; each camera adds 10 Lbs.

On Tuesday, police officers in Nashville started carrying tasers that have cameras and microphones built into the grip. Apparently, they don’t want anybody to beat them into putting the video of the tasered guy in Youtube.

Convention
Organizers of the Democratic National convention said yesterday that pot smokers who light up during the Convention would be prosecuted. Apparently, when organizers found out Al Gore was a speaker they realized they could not afford enough food for Gore and 70,000 people with munchies.

Ricky Martin
Ricky Martin is the father of twin sons who were born via a surrogate mother. He did it just in time before editors cancelled "Playgirl…"

Bill Clinton
Bill Clinton turned 62 on Tuesday. The former president had a big cake, blew the candles and immediately checked on Hillary only to find out that his wish had not come true.

Minorities
A new study found that minority students are more likely to receive corporal punishment in school. In other news Lou Dobbs, Imus and Michael Richards are all taking classes to become teachers.

Olympics
Officials from the International Table Tennis Federation are urging female players to sex up their uniforms to increase attention to the sport. Apparently, that was just the opposite of what shot put female athletes were told to get more people to watch that sport.

Soccer
Producers are developing a musical about David Beckham. And if you ever thought soccer was gay, well, now you know it....

Borgnine
Actor and funny man Ernest Borgnine told reporters that his secret for longevity is pleasuring himself frequently. What explains Cindy McCain’s hand injury…