March 4th 2009

A U.S. fertility clinic will allow would-be parents to choose their child's sex, eye color, hair color and skin color. “This one will look just like your father and not like the pool boy,” said my mom today.

The drought is so bad in some areas of California that people are begging to get waterboarded.

President Obama said he’s bringing the troops back from Iraq. Apparently, to have an easier time adjusting they are going to land first in Detroit.

John McCain's daughter claims her father's run affected her personal love life. “Exactly the opposite happened to me,” said Bill Clinton. “When Hillary was campaigning, I had a lot of love.”

The gas behind the foul smell of rotten eggs could be used to create a new Viagra, scientists claimed today. Weird… because the rotten fish smell usually causes the opposite reaction.

The gas behind the foul smell of rotten eggs could be used to create a new Viagra, scientists claimed today. Does it mean New Jersey men are always horny?

According to the "New York Times", 82% of all American workers laid-off in the past 12 months are men. Most female workers don’t get laid off because the get laid instead.

The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors will pass a resolution making the first week of March “No Cussing Week”. I guess Democrats won’t be able to listen to Rush during that week.

The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors will pass a resolution making the first week of March “No Cussing Week”. I guess nobody in LA will be allowed to check their 401(k).

An airline passenger opened the cabin door and jumped off the plane shortly after landing at the Dallas airport. I guess the charging passengers for the bathroom will make us see more of this.

An airline passenger opened the cabin door and jumped off the plane shortly after landing at the Dallas airport. It was actually the pilot who didn’t want to miss the happy hour at that bar.

Today, president Obama said that buying stocks could be a good deal. It’d better be; we just bought 36% of City Bank stocks.

Rhianna and Chris Brown are back together. Not everything is bad for Rhianna; at least she is going to get a sunglasses endorsement.

A Russian man died after downing a bottle of Viagra to have sex with two women. His family was sad, but there was a big smile in the two women, the maid and the cat’s faces.

A Russian man died after downing a bottle of Viagra to have sex with two women. The family was forced to have an open casket funeral.

Police in Sweden said a 64-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly stealing dozens of newspapers to win money by completing the crossword puzzle. What’s a four letter word for slammer? Ahh! Jail!

Southwest Airlines has an image of supermodel wearing a bikini painted on the side of one of their planes. Shouldn’t that be more appropriate for US Airways, after all the bikini goes with the water landing…