July 28th 2006

Floyd Landis
Tour de France winner Floyd Landis has been accused of doping. Apparently judges became suspicious when during Landi’s victory dance he started moving his hips like Shakira. I guess "Hips DO lie."

Tour de France champion Floyd Landis tested positive for high levels of testosterone. Now we know how he injured his hips.

Fire
A seven-year-old girl narrowly escaped death when a powerful lightning bolt struck her bedroom, burning her pajamas as she lay in bed. Fortunately Gary Glitter rushed to the house to put it out.

EXXON
Oil Company Exxon Mobil generated a second-quarter profit of more than $10 billion dollars. The company decided to celebrate giving away hundreds of SUV’s and Hummers.

Sport News.
ESPN baseball analyst Harold Reynolds was fired Tuesday for sexual harassment in the workplace. Apparently when explaining baseball he loved to show how to get to second base to his female co-workers.

Charles Barkley said he is considering a run for Alabama governor. The media was quite skeptical when they heard the words “Barkley” and “running” in the same sentence.

Wax
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and their new baby now have their own display at Madame Tussauds wax museum in New York City. Apparently 200,000 candles were melted only to make Angelina’s lips.

North Korea
North Korean dictator Kim Jong II married his secretary. After the ceremony the couple was greeted with the traditional rice toss. Unfortunately that meant his people won’t be eating for a month.