August 3rd 2006

Bush
This week Stockholm is holding the World Championship of Magic. The competition finishes this Saturday but the first place has already been awarded before they even started. It went to president Bush for making the surplus disappear.

Several senators at Capitol Hill are complaining because "unelected" people are using the senator-only elevator. President Bush apologized and promised to use the stairs next time.

President Bush gave his last daily briefing in the White House press room before it undergoes a nine-month renovation. Apparently the new press room will have bigger curtains so it would be easier for Tony Snow to hide the truth.

Mel Gibson
Los Angeles prosecutors brought misdemeanor charges against Mel Gibson for allegedly driving under the influence, having an elevated blood-alcohol level, having an open bottle of liquor and for suspicion of selling most of the Katusha rockets to Hezbolah.

Mel Gibson apologized for his anti-Semitic remarks and blamed the bottle of tequila he had in his car for his racist comments. In a written statement the actor said, "I am sorry; it was that darn wetback of Jose Cuervo that made me say those things."

Mel Gibson’s mug shot was finally released. Mel looks so good that the photographer was hired to shoot the next edition of Playboy.

Hezbollah
Hezbollah leaders are trying to win the PR battle against Israel. According to insiders, they are going to pull a Mel Gibson and drink tequila before they attack Israel so they can get forgiveness and comprehension from the American public.

Fidel Castro
Thousands gathered in the streets of Miami to celebrate the news that Fidel Castro might be terminally ill. Motorists waved Cuban flags from sunroofs while screaming "Cuba libre!” Even the Kennedys were there just because they thought people were giving away free drinks.

Cuban officials finally revealed the reason why Fidel Castro had to cede power in Cuba. He didn’t go to the hospital as they first informed. The Cuban leader went to the barber to shave his beard because he was embarrased he looked quite similar to recent Mel Gibson’s pictures.

Thousands gathered in a street of Miami to celebrate the news that Fidel Castro might be terminally ill because so far they have not seen a picture of the communist leader. Not everybody was happy, a group of reporters were quite sad and protesting across the street because they have also not yet seen a picture... of Tom Cruise’s daughter.