August 1st 2006

Mel Gibson
Mel Gibson’s publicist announced actor Mel Gibson has entered re-hab to help cure his drinking problem.
Apparently the reason why Gibson had agreed to go to re-hab was a mistake because instead of going to AA meetings he had understood SS meetings.

Everybody was shocked when truth about Mel Gibson’s arrest for DUI was let known by the media. Not so much for Gibson’s anti Semitic remarks but rather the fact he was driving a Japanese car instead of the superior German engineering of a Wolswagen or Mercedez Benz.

Morning After Pill
The government says it will consider allowing over the counter sales of a morning after pill. Political analysts don’t see this as a clear defeat of conservative values, because the price is probably going to be so high, that by the time we get to Canada to buy a cheaper version, the kid is going to be already born and with a moustache.

Hezbollah
According to reporters covering the conflict in the Middle East, the hundred of Hezbollah rockets launched against Israel have caused little damage. Hezbollah leaders are considering asking Iran and Syria for a refund.

Cease-fire
Everybody in the White House was surprised and hopeful when they heard President Bush yesterday asking for an immediate cease-fire. Unfortunately when he said they should call the firefighters, they realized he was not talking about the Middle East but an omelet gone wrong.

Tour de France
Floyd Landis, Tour de France winner, arrived in the US after he was stripped off his title for high levels of testosterone. Thousand of women cheered his arrival together with Lance Bass and Ryan Seacrest.