September 26th 2006

Andre Fastow
Andrew Fastow, the mastermind behind financial schemes that doomed Enron Corp., was sentenced Tuesday to six years in prison. Fastow was taken immediately into custody after the judge rejected his request to commit suicide and travel to the Caiman Islands

Clinton
Conservative groups were outraged with the way former president Clinton mistreated Fox reporter Chris Wallace during a Sunday morning interview and requested a rematch. Apparently Fox Network asked Clinton for a new interview but this time the network is going to hire Nancy Grace to conduct it.

Reporters suspect that the Bush administration set Bill Clinton up with the Fox interview so they can distract people from a report recently released that says Iraq has created more terrorists. The media became suspicious of the plot because Clinton was flown in first class and was given champagne with a meal of fried prawns.

Gasoline Prices
According to a survey almost 95% of Americans seem to be happier with the steady drop in the price of gasoline, not so much for the economical improvement of their lives, but rather because they enjoy how dumb some people look now trying to squeeze into one of the new smart cars.

Pizza
In Pensacola Florida, Pizza delivery drivers decided to form a union. Apparently they are fighting for the right to obtain the minimum wage and also some royalties for all the porn movies they have starred in.

Hilary
Jerry Falwell claimed Sunday that evangelical Christians were more motivated to vote against Hillary Clinton than against the devil. For some radical Christians to vote for a woman that wears pants feels like a gay vote.

Axel Rose
During one of his latest concerts Axel Rose kicked somebody out of the venue because the person was behaving inappropriately. Unfortunately the show had to be cancelled as Axel didn’t have anybody left to sing to.

Vanity
According to a survey by a British eyeglasses company, the average woman spends two years of her life looking at herself in the mirror; specially Nicole Richie who needs to pass by the mirror 200 times to be able to see herself at least once.

According to a survey by a British eyeglasses company, the average woman spends two years of her life looking at herself in the mirror. Ann Coulter claimed she doesn’t waste her time with mirrors because vampire’s images don’t reflect on them.