september 27th 2006

Intel Report
The National Intelligence Estimate was leaked Saturday, revealing that the Iraq war made terrorism worse and is creating new terrorists. President Bush was angered and very frustrated about it. Intelligence is something this administration doesn’t have much to start wasting it on a leak.

President George W. Bush and his political opponents argued about reports from a secret intelligence assessment on global terrorism. Most of the media agrees that if there’s something that this administration has is secret intelligence because so far nobody has seen it.

Electronic Vote
More and more precincts in the US are going to use electronic machines for the midterm elections. Some people are concerned that if some of the machines malfunction, the future of this country might be in the hands of a tech support guy in India.

Political Ads
Republicans and Democrats began spending millions of dollars showing at least 30 new campaign advertisements in contested House and Senate districts across the country on Tuesday. Apparently they both fear a new common political enemy: TiVO

Liquids are back
A woman was arrested after security screeners at Tampa International Airport found a loaded handgun tucked in her carryon bag. She claimed she had the gun to protect her most valuable asset... a bottle of water she bought at the checkpoint.

Air travelers may bring liquids back on planes as long as the liquids are purchased at the airport stores inside the checkpoints. Planes are looking more and more like movie theaters, you cannot get on with things you buy outside, and also the movies on the planes and theaters suck.

Air travelers may bring liquids back on planes as long as the liquids are purchased at the airport stores inside the checkpoints. Well, Dick Cheney and his friends need to make up for all the money they are loosing holding down the price of gas.

Myspace
The youth-heavy online hangout MySpace.com is launching a voter-registration drive to engage its members in civics. Unfortunately most of Myspace.com visitors cannot vote, not because they are too young but rather because they are really old and convicted with sexual offenses.

Rumsfeld
Donald Rumsfeld is about to become the longest-serving Defense Secretary in US history.....It certainly felt like it. He was probably one of the Defense Secretaries in the U.S. that fought against more generals during his service; unfortunately all the generals were ours.

Golf
Bill Clinton flew to Ireland Sunday to root for the U.S. team in the Ryder Cup final round. Actually that was an excuse; the former president doesn’t care much about golf. He just wanted to see if he could get a picture of Tiger’s wife showing her breast.

In other (lame) news...
A new study shows that breast implants have been linked to a significantly higher suicide rate among women..... Specially the ones that do not have them.

A study at Morgan State University in Baltimore, Maryland, finds that, at age 60 and beyond, disagreeable seniors are smarter than friendly seniors. Apparently the friendly ones do not have time to read or get informed because they are getting it on with the old ladies at the retirement homes.

In China the Government has started a ban on skin whiteners. Apparently the products had rare side effects on the users, a change on the pitch of their voices and crotch grabbing spasms.