September 28th 2006

Dow Jones
The Dow Jones industrial average topped its record-high close today. Apparently close to the midterm election some people are investing millions and million of dollars in the "seats" industry.

Clinton
In one of the latest issues before the elections Republicans are questioning the Clinton’s administration inaction on Bin Laden. The GOP claims Clinton did not do enough because he was distracted by the Lewinsky scandal, whereas Clinton claims he was not allowed to do much because Republicans were too focused on the Lewinsky scandal. In conclusion: Lewinsky blew it again.

Hilary Clinton defended her husband Bill after the former president was blasted by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice for not doing enough to kill Osama bin Laden. When Bill Clinton was asked to comment about his wife’s feud with Condi he screamed: Catfight!!

Bush’s meeting
In a Rose Garden appearance arranged to show warmth and unity, the bickering leaders of Pakistan and Afghanistan shook hands with President Bush but not with each other. Apparently both leaders knew that the only one falling for the old joy buzzer prank was Bush.

During a meeting with president Bush the Pakistani and the Afghan president did not shake hands and barely looked at each other. At the end of the day Bush commented that the meeting was awkward and that he felt like Hilary and Bill’s marital counselor.

Depressed Mice
The active ingredient in the acne drug Accutane seems to cause depression in mice. Apparently the male mouse gets depressed when the female mouse chases him around to pop his pimples.

Screech
The "New York Daily News" is reporting that there is a 40-minute Screech sex tape out there that features Screech performing a despicable act known as a "Dirty Sanchez.” Once again Latinos have to do the jobs Americans do not dare do anymore...like work with Screech.

Golf
Bill Clinton flew to Ireland Sunday to root for the U.S. team in the Ryder Cup final round. That was an excuse, the former president doesn’t care much about golf, he just wanted to see if he could get a picture of Tiger’s wife showing her breast.

New Orleans Saints
The New Orleans Saints played inside the Superdome Monday for the first time since the hurricane. Lou Dobbs commented that even though the stadium was packed, the great majority of people followed the game on their looted plasma TV’s.