October 11th 2006

Mark Foley
Since former representative Mark Foley is in rehab, he has remained sober and illiterate. He has not touched a drink or a page for a week.

GOP members are very frustrated because the media is focusing more on Mark Foley’s lurid instant messages than in the successful economy. They all agreed that next time a Republican congressman IMs a congressional page, they are not only going to tell them how horny they are, but also send a market update and the unemployment rate.

Some doctors claim to have found the solution for Mark Foley’s perverted behavior. They advised the former Florida representative to read Bill O’ Reilly’s book, because after you read that book you feel like you do not want to touch any kind of pages again.

Fat Illegal
An illegal immigrant became jammed in a drain opening while trying to sneak in to the side of the US border. The alien claimed he got really fat on purpose to easily mingle with the American population and fool immigration officials.

An illegal immigrant became jammed in a drain opening while trying to sneak in to the side of the US border. Doctors recommended officials put the obese person on a quick diet, so immigrations followed the advice and sent the illegal back to Mexico.

Polls
According to a NY Times/CBS poll, 3% of people surveyed believe that the war in Iraq is going really well. Unfortunately most of them are Al-Qaeda members.

According to a NY Times/CBS poll, 15% of Americans can’t identify the U.S. president. They are easy to recognize, they are the only ones walking with a smile on their faces.

North Korea
For the first time since they got in power, the Bush administration believes that the best way to deal with the North Korea’s conflict is not through war and violence, but rather through peace and talk. As a gesture of love, Dick Cheney suggested sending the starving country free containers of lettuce and spinach.

Barbara Streisand
During a Barbara Streisand performance, the singer snapped and used profanity against a heckler that screamed at her during the show. Streisand suspected immediately that the person was a professional heckler because he was the only heterosexual man that attended the concert.

Human experiments
Four senior doctors at two Geriatric Hospitals were arrested yesterday on suspicion of carrying out illegal experiments on elderly patients without their consent. Apparently they experimented on Joan Rivers’ and Kenny Rogers’ faces.