October 4th 2006

Mark Foley
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said during Rush Limbaugh’s show that he is not going to resign over Foley’s instant messages’ scandal. He is consistent with Bush’s policies of never to "fudge and Run."

Republican congressmen claim they did not know of former congressman Mark Foley’s involvement with teen pages. Everybody suspected something was going on though, especially when lobbyists were offering Foley free meals at Chucky Cheese.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said during Rush Limbaugh’s show he wasn’t aware of Foley’s preference for young teens. He thought that every time Foley said "I am going to go over some pages" he was just studying some bills.

Congress approved a homeland security bill Friday that included $1.2 billion dollars to build a fence, not along the U-S Mexico border, but a fence around schools to protect teens from disgraced representative Foley.

Press Secretary Tony Snow called an immediate press conference to counteract the devastating effects that the Foley’s scandal is having on the Bush Administration. Ironically Snow begged the White house reporters to talk again about the situation in Iraq.

Oprah
Oprah has launched a new channel on XM radio. There’s no guarantee she is going to continue there because come Thanksgiving Oprah might jump to XL.

Mexican Border
Mexico asked President Bush on Monday to veto a Senate plan to build a border fence to keep illegal immigrants out. Mexicans know how to retaliate and are planning to build a fence made of school books to prevent Spring Breakers from crossing the border with Mexico.

Mexico asked President Bush on Monday to veto a Senate plan to build a border fence to keep illegal immigrants out. Apparently the president answered "No habla Español."

Gitmo
According to Navy Commander Robert Durand, the average prisoner at Guantanamo Bay has gained 20 pounds. The ACLU protested immediately because they claim this is part of Bush’s torture plan; feed the inmates with American food until their arteries explode.

Vending Machines
Some people are disturbed about a new energy drink called "Cocaine," The company has a guaranteed success if they install the first vending machines carrying the drink in congress.

In other news...
A new study published by Rice University in Houston determined that we're more likely to trust attractive people than unattractive people. So the reason I have 2 security guards on my back every time I go to Macys is not because I am Latino, but because I am ugly?

According to a Sandyford Initiative, a Scottish company that provides sexual and reproductive health services, 43% of men who pay to have sex with prostitutes have wives or girlfriends. Well, someone has to earn the money at home to pay for their vices.