June 7th 2007

Paris Hilton
After serving only three full days behind bars, Paris Hilton was released from jail early Thursday, partly due to "medical" reasons after she spent most of the days crying. Immediately after hearing the news Scooter Libby started sobbing and complaining he had a severe headache.

GOP presidential Debate
The format CNN had for the GOP presidential debate made it look like the Miss Universe beauty pageant, all the candidates introduced themselves on stage stating their State of origin and credentials. The only main difference with a Miss America beauty pageant was that when they had the Q&A session of the contest none of the candidates wished for world peace.

CNN's broadcast of the Republican debate delivered much lower ratings than the Democratic Debate. But to be fair, most of the viewers thought they were watching a rerun of "Lost."

LA Water usage
Los Angeles residents were urged on Wednesday to cut water usage by 10 percent in the driest year on record. In a written statement LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa demanded that illegals enter the country already bathed.

Los Angeles residents were urged on Wednesday to cut water usage by 10 percent in the driest year on record. In a written statement LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa begged young Hollywood actors to start drinking their alcohol without ice.

Cure for Blindness
Scientists in England announced yesterday that they're on schedule to completely cure blindness within five years. When asked about the news most of the blind people in the world said they were very happy and that they never saw it coming.

Scientists in England announced yesterday that they're on schedule to completely cure blindness within five years, eliminating the only excuse blind people had for not picking up the eye-seeing dogs’ crap.

Obama
According to several liberal websites, the Obama campaign will surpass the Clinton campaign in second quarter fundraising. Obama fundraiser officials stated that all the money that they collected in the first quarter was from Obama’s black side, now they will start collecting from the white side.

D-Day
Yesterday Americans celebrated the 63rd anniversary of the D-Day, when Americans landed in Normandy and turned the tide of World War II. Actually, for president Bush D-Day was any other day after an exam in school.