September 4th 2007

Bush
President Bush visited Iraq Monday and raised the possibility of U.S. troop cuts in Iraq… cuts, bruises and deep wounds.

President Bush tried to keep Monday’s visit to Iraq as a total secret but it didn’t work. Apparently somebody alerted Karl Rove, Alberto Gonzales and Tony Snow they were in the list of travelers.

In an upcoming book, President Bush said that after leaving the White House, he is thinking of making some money by giving speeches. Apparently he already got the sponsorship of "Hooked on Phonics."

China
The government of China set up a new recall system for food that fails to pass strict safety inspections. Apparently, they send it first to America, and if nobody dies, they distribute it among Chinese people.

Clintons
Today is a busy day for the Clintons. Hillary Clinton had a scheduled visit with Ellen DeGeneres, Bill with Oprah, and Chelsea with the shrink.

As part of their political campaign Democratic Candidates are planning TV appearances in the upcoming months: Barack Obama will appear in The Tyra Banks Show, Hillary Clinton will do the Ellen DeGeneres Show, and Denis Kucinich will show up in the show Cheaters chasing his wife.

Today Ellen DeGeneres will interview Hillary Clinton for the season premiere of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." Producers of the show promised a revealing interview in which the well known lesbian, man-eater, and pant -wearer will have the chance to speak with Ellen.

Jobs
According to a new report by the U.N.'s International Labor Organization, American workers are the most productive workers in the entire world, so much so that they can even make money seating on a toilet at an airport.

Winehouse
Amy Winehouse believes that having a baby will bring her the stability she needs, especially when the baby holds the needle.

Fred Thompson
Possible presidential candidate Fred Thompson is expected to officially enter the race this week. Political analysts believe his entry comes remarkably late in a campaign cycle that began days after the 2006 midterm elections. Thompson has delayed his decision so much, that he could be the perfect candidate for FEMA

Bridge
Russian police have detained a 45-year-old municipal worker for stealing a bridge. Police said the man chopped it up and sold it for scrap to Halliburton to reconstruct the bridge in Minnesota.