November 12th 2007

Writers
NBC informed the nonwriting staff of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno that it will be laid off at the end of next week. Apparently, the first one to go will be the canned laughter.

The Writers Guild of America East was really mad at Ellen DeGeneres for crossing the picket line and returning to work. Ellen should double check there are no banana peels or marbles scattered on the floor next time she does her dance at the beginning of her show.

The Writers Guild of America East was really mad at Ellen DeGeneres for crossing the picket line and returning to work. These are some ways writers might retaliate in the future:

When Ellen does her famous phone call to God routine the line will be busy;
All the jokes in her future monologues will be about Ziggy and breaking contracts;

Writers will spit on her jokes (Thanks Bob);

Ellen’s wardrobe will be sabotaged and all the pantsuits will disappear, thus forcing her to wear skirts;

The writers will save the best lesbian jokes for Rosie.

The WGA is planning a Bring-A-Star-To-Picket-With-You event this Tuesday that's supposed to be centered at Universal Studios at noon. That’s great if you show up with Leno, Conan or Letterman, but how bad you’d look if you show up hand in hand with Carson Daily?

Army
The Army is spending $2.6 billion on a fleet of new Disaster-Relief Helicopters that are not safe to fly on hot days. Those are the ones they bought to use in California, for New Orleans they are working on a fleet of boats that cannot be used on wet days.

Cigarettes
A study says that smoking deaths may double by the year 2030. Not so much because of lung cancer, but rather from the exposure to cold weather for being forced to smoke outside the bars.

N Word
The Los Angeles City Council voted to ban the use of the "N-word." In other news, the Dog Bounty Hunter tour has just cancelled one city.

According to the Los Angeles City Council, the N-word "connotes a lazy person with no self-respect or regard for family, a person who is ignorant, stupid, slow moving, does not speak proper English and has childlike qualities.” No wonder they want to ban the N word, it describes a congressman perfectly.

US
75 percent of Americans said in a recent poll that the country is heading in the wrong direction. The other 25 percent is heading to Canada.

Chips
Arizona health regulators issued a warning Thursday about a popular brand of poker chips made in Vegas that may contain high levels of lead. I would have thought the chips had the other chemical found in toys, the GHB, because every time I go to a casino to play poker, I leave feeling raped.

Broadway
More than two dozen shows on Broadway went dark Saturday as stagehands, who have been engaged in a bitter contract dispute with producers, went on strike. Apparently, the only way for theater lovers to hear some tap-dancing now is at airport bathrooms.