November 7th 2007

Mukasey
A U.S. Senate panel cleared Michael B. Mukasey's nomination to be President George W. Bush's third attorney general. As an act of celebration, prisoners in Guantanamo will be champagne-boarded for the rest of the week.

Limbs
Doctors began operating yesterday on a girl born with four arms and four legs. There goes our chance to have the best drummer in the world.

Bush
President Bush was gladly surprised to hear the loud cheers of a crowd during yesterday’s appearance at the White House to discuss import safety. Unfortunately, the smile in Bush’s face turned to frown when the CBS fake crowd noise cd started skipping.

Water-Boarding
The debate on weather water-boarding is considered torture continues. Some advocates of water-boarding are trying to find a way to lessen the impact of the word water-boarding so from now onwards they are going to start calling it: Intensive Baptism.

Star Trek
The producers of the upcoming "Star Trek" prequel are holding an open casting call this weekend for extras with interesting and unique facial features. In other news, Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich cancelled all the fundraising appearances this weekend.

Toys
Mattel Inc, the world's largest toymaker, has recalled 155,000 of its products made in Mexico because they could cause children to choke. Actually, so far, there was only one report of choking over the toys and that was Lou Dobbs when he found out the US was buying toys made in Mexico.