February 12th 2008

Obama
Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama on Sunday beat Bill Clinton when he scored a Grammy Award in Los Angeles. Bill Clinton said he was not resentful because last week he scored with two “grannies” on his wife’s campaign trail.

Steroids
Brian McNamee told Congress Friday he injected Roger Clemens's wife with Human Growth Hormone. Every time Clemens pissed her off, those plates in the kitchen would fly over a hundred MPH.

Leprosy
Arkansas is experiencing a leprosy outbreak. Now more than ever Arkansas honors its slogan of the amicable city, because now when they give you a hand, they really do.

Hispanic Population
New research shows that the U.S.'s Hispanic population will triple by 2050. Immediately after hearing the news, CNN host Lou Dobbs summoned a press conference and said that now more than a ever we should build a wall… a wall in every Latino woman’s crotch.

Spy Charges
A former Boeing engineer was arrested for sending information to the Chinese government about the Space Shuttle. Apparently, the Chinese cannot figure out yet how such a piece of junk can still fly.

Prosecutors are charging a man with selling classified information about military weaponry to a New Orleans furniture salesman. The salesman claims he needed the information on the military technology not to send it to China, but rather to protect himself in case FEMA ever comes back to New Orleans.

Vegan
A Vegan strips club has recently opened in Portland. It is doomed to fail though; nobody wants to go to a strip club where the strippers don’t like meat.

Grammys
This year’s Grammy broadcast was the third least watched ever. Apparently, when people heard there was going to be some screaming and someone with coke experience they thought it was going to be another Democratic presidential debate.

Edwards
Both Hillary an Obama are courting John Edwards to gain his support. Edwards said he is still undecided and will go for the one with the best hair care program.

Population
The U.S. population will soar to 438 million by 2050 according to projections released Monday by the Pew Research Center. Apparently, another hidden impact of the writers’ strike.