February 25th 2008

New York Times
Experts believe there’s new hope in the Middle East to finally solve the Palestine-Israel conflict. They will assign the responsibility to The New York Times, because if they were able to unite the Republican Party with one stupid article about McCain, they can definitely bring peace to that region.

Ralph Nader
Ralph Nader said Sunday he will run for president as a third-party candidate. In a written statement Hillary and Obama asked Nader to reconsider because they don’t need any help to screw this election.

Ralph Nader said Sunday he will run for president as a third-party candidate. Ralph Nader is like the Soccer World Cup: he shows up every four years and Americans couldn’t care less.

Cuba
Cuba's Parliament named Raul Castro president on Sunday. During his first speech Raul said that he’s looking forward to leading Cuba to the 20th Century.

Jobs
According to Money Magazine the most promising jobs in America are: Software Engineer, Financial advisor, and Superdelegate.

Oscars
Last night the Oscars celebrated its 80th birthday. With all the Botox and plastic surgeries, the statue still looks like 50.

Intelligence
U.S. spy agencies have missed intelligence in the days since terrorism surveillance legislation expired, the Bush administration said on Friday. Fortunately, in the Bush administration there was not much to lose.

Gas
The average price for a gallon of gasoline in the United States rose in the last two weeks. Gas is so expensive now that:

· Celebrities latest fashion accessories at the red carpet were leg bands to clasp pants or dresses to the legs so they wouldn’t get caught in their bicycle chains.

· Hillary and Obama had to carpool to the last Texas debate.

· McCain is now having an affair with an oil lobbyist.

· Oscar winners were forced to sell their statutes so they could fill the tank of their limos to go back.

· The most talked-about perfume at the Red Carpet was Oil Channel 5.

McCain
During a press conference, Senator John Mccain addressed the controversy created by The New York Times about an alleged affair with a younger woman. McCain told reporters that "He did not have sexual relationships with that woman." Unfortunately for him, everybody believed it.

Newspapers reported this week that Senator John Mccain loves animals so much that he owns 4 dogs, a cat, a parakeet and a shoal of fish, and once owned a ferret and an iguana named Henry. Apparently, those are the only animals remaining from when he was the captain of the Noah Arch.

Newspapers reported this week that Senator John Mccain loves animals so much he owns 4 dogs. Actually, those dogs belong to his staffers and they are trained to protect McCain from female lobbyists
More women now claimed they also had affairs with Senator John McCain. The latest: the entire cast of “The Golden Girls.”

Presumptive Republican nominee John McCain Friday said he hoped Fidel Castro's resignation would be followed by his speedy demise and Castro had the opportunity to meet Karl Marx very soon. Apparently, McCain knew Karl Marx very well; when they were kids they used to play hide and seek together.