February 18th 2008

Hillary
Hillary Clinton cried Friday as she listened to the story of a mother and young daughter who said they were being forced from their home due to a skyrocketing adjustable mortgage. And if there’s someone that knows about the feeling of losing a home in the near future, that is Hillary.

Elections
Pakistan is holding elections today that could determine the political survival of President Pervez Musharraf, a key American ally. To guarantee that the elections are not rigged, the U.S is sending people to observe it: a bunch of NBA referees, and Stevie Wonder.

McCartney
Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have come together to agree on a historic divorce settlement. Mills is to receive $110 million dollars after a marriage that only lasted 4 years. Even Oil companys’ presidents thought it was too much.

After reaching a huge lump sum in her divorce with Paul McCartney, Heather Mills has agreed to be bound by a confidentiality order and will never be able to speak publicly about their marriage or she might lose all the money. Fortunately for her, she only got 50% chances of putting her foot in her mouth.

Pregnant
A woman who is seven months pregnant has been accused of smashing a beer bottle against a bartender's head after she was refused another drink. Then the woman left the bar and went back to the set of Zoey 101.

A woman who is seven months pregnant has been accused of smashing a beer bottle against a bartender's head after she was refused another drink. The woman apologized and said that she never behaves like that; the problem was she had too much cocaine before going to the bar.

Economy
Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan says there is no recession yet, but the country is right on the edge. Unfortunately, the step we’ll take to leave the edge of the recession is a step ahead.

Atlantis
The space shuttle Atlantis is scheduled to land on Wednesday at Kennedy Space Center in Florida as the U.S. military is waiting for it to get back so it can try to shoot down a failed spy satellite before it tumbles to Earth. How bad does your aim have to be that you are afraid you can miss the satellite and hit the Atlantis in the open space? Who is shooting the Satellite? Cheney?

Hair
A farmer in Florida is using human hair as plant fertilizer. Unfortunately, he used Donald Trump’s and all the dogs attacked the plants he harvested.

Tornadoes
Severe thunderstorms packing potential tornadoes and brief downpours swept across Alabama over the weekend affecting poor- income residents in the area. Question: wouldn’t it be more convenient if the mobile homes came with wings instead of wheels.