March 24th 2008

Passports
The State Department confirmed Thursday that they fired two contract employees for prying into the secure passport files of presidential contender Barack Obama. Apparently, the workers were canned immediately for finding nothing compromising on him.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice personally phoned the presidential candidates Hillary Rodham Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama to apologize after the department confirmed the passport files had been compromised. Unfortunately, she called them at 3 AM in the morning and nobody answered.

Obama
Presidential Candidate Barack Obama spent the traditional annual big Easter egg hunt together with his family and some reporters. This year, instead of the eggs Obama hid DVD’s of Reverend Wright while Fox News reporters desperately looked for them.

Another bad week for Obama: just when he thought there was no more footage of Reverend Wright that can compromise his candidacy, Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild said he found some hidden tapes of Reverend Wright judging a wet T-Shirt contest.

Spitzer
A source close to Eliot Spitzer says the former New York governor has gone into therapy to be treated for sex addiction. He’ll have to follow the 12 steps strict treatment: he won’t be able to move more than 12 steps away from his wife.

Eliot Spitzer left their home for the first time this weekend to walk one his dogs in Central Park. Apparently, he owes it; he’s been living in the dog’s house since the scandal broke out.

A source close to Eliot Spitzer says the former New York governor has gone into therapy to be treated for sex addiction. As a part of a shock therapy, doctors recommended him to quit cold turkey. It means every time he has sexual urges he has to satiate them with a cold turkey.

Attack
Knife-wielding muggers attacked a jogger running in Central Park to prepare for an Army physical fitness test, police and his family said. Didn’t Bush say that if we fight the enemies in Iraq they won’t come here?

Britney
The clothes worn by Britney Spears on "How I Met Your Mother" will be auctioned for charity. Some people immediately realized it was a scam, especially when among some of the auctioned items there were Britney’s panties.

Miss England
This year one of the contestants for Miss England beauty pageant is not the typical skinny one and weighs 176 lbs. She has as many chances as any of the other stick-thin ladies, because she is the only one with a complete set of teeth.

Health
According to "Men's Health" magazine, men who have sex at least once a week are healthier… unless their wives find out about it.

According to a recent survey, women who are mildly to moderately depressed have 33% more sex than women who are not. No wonder Bill is sabotaging Hillary’s campaign; he wants to score with her.