March 20th 2008

Hey everybody I just want to take a moment to thank the people at Newsday and Mr. Ken Rasak for publishing one of my jokes in such a great paper. Thanks a lot! Check it here
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun5619719mar20,0,429977.story

Osama
Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden issued a new audio message Wednesday and, like the last couple of messages, it was mostly ignored by everybody. Osama is working on a new plan to make his messages popular: before he releases a new audio tape, he is going to have sex with an American governor.

Affairs
According to a new USA Today / Gallup poll, 54% of Americans know someone who’s having an affair. The other 46 % are the wives of the politicians who are having affairs.

Obama
Barack Obama delivered an incredible speech on race in America in which he cited the gains made by people of color as well as past and present racial hardships. For instance, Obama is on the verge of becoming president, and yet, his is the only one of all the candidate's limos that keeps getting pulled over during motorcades. (thanks Pat for the help)

Stressed
A new study from the University of Rochester in New York found that parents who are frequently anxious or depressed have sicker kids than those who aren't -especially when they forget their kids in the car outside the casino or strip joints for hours-.

China
China officials said that despite recent uprisings, it will not change the Olympic torch route through Tibet. Officials recognize the importance of the torch to kick off the Olympic Games in China and to set the protesters on fire.

Spring Break
Spring break just started and everybody seems to be enjoying it, even at Gitmo, where when the prisoners get waterboarded they also participate in a wet t-shirt contests.

Iraq
Wednesday was the beginning of the sixth year of the war in Iraq: a war that was supposed to finish soon after the shock and awe attack, has ironically left all Americans in awe and shocked for taking so long.

During a speech in Jordan, John McCain confused Al Qaeda forces and Shiite extremists in Iraq. Bush told him not to worry, after all he and Cheney confused Iraq for Iran before they started the war.

According to results of a recent CNN poll, 7 out of 10 Americans think government spending on the war in Iraq is partly responsible for the economic troubles in the United States. The other 3 Americans work for Halliburton.

Nice Guys
A Harvard University study determined that nice guys do finish first. That’s probably the reason why women prefer mean guys...

Fox
According to a news report, the offices of Fox News have a bug infestation. The exterminator refused to use pesticides right away until he can tell the parasites from the innocent bugs.