March 18th 2008

Cheney
Vice president Dick Cheney spent two nights in Iraq this week. Apparently, it was part of the Iraq Vacation package special: if you survive the first night, they give you the second one for free.

Vice President Dick Cheney warned Monday against large U.S. troop cuts that could jeopardize recent security gains in Iraq. Apparently, he was referring to the secured gains he made with Halliburton.

Heather Mills
One of Britain's bitterest divorces reached a settlement Monday when Heather Mills was awarded $48.6 million. Apparently the judge based the sum settlement according to the hourly rate of Spitzer's escort.

Paul McCartney was ordered to pay Heather Mills $48.6 million to settle their divorce. There wasn’t ever a case of someone making some much money off the Beatles without doing anything for them. Wait a second… There’s one! Ringo!

Saint Patrick’s Day
Monday, thousands of people in New York flooded the bars to drink like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately, it was not to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day, but rather to drown the sorrows for the collapse of the stock market.

Two Faces
An Indian woman has given birth to baby girl with two faces, a report said Saturday. Apparently, the baby girl has already a guaranteed future as a politician.

Madonna
On April 28th Madonna will release its new album titled: Hard Candy. Apparently, the name comes from the fact that the album is very difficult to swallow.

Britney
Britney Spears ate dinner with Mel Gibson in L.A. over the weekend. Rumors are Mel Gibson offered Britney the part of Mary Magdalene in “The Passion of Christ II. The Return.”

McGreevey
A former aide to James E. McGreevey said Sunday that he had three-way sexual trysts with the former governor and his wife, usually on Fridays after dinning at T.G.I Friday’s. It gives a totally different meaning to the “Friday three for all special” they have at T.G.I. Friday’s menu.

A former aide to James E. McGreevey said Sunday that he had three-way sexual trysts with the former governor and his wife, usually on Fridays after dinning at T.G.I Friday’s. Visits were so frequent that T.G.I. named a sandwich after them: “The First Lady Sandwich;” which is made with four eggs.

A former aide to James E. McGreevey said Sunday that he had three-way sexual trysts with the former governor and his wife. How fortunate is Larry Craig, you will never see anybody that dare admit he had a threesome with Larry and his wife.

Lawsuit
A businessman claims in a lawsuit that he was injured when a stripper giving him a lap dance swiveled and smacked him in the face with the heel of her shoe. Unfortunately, the money he’ll get won’t help cover all the injuries that his wife gave him after she found out he had spent the afternoon at a strip bar.