March 4th 2008

Oil Prices
Oil prices have hit an all-time high of almost $104 a barrel. Gas is so expensive that people cannot even afford enough gas to set their houses on fire to collect insurance money.

Elections
The chances of a U.S. female president are vanishing with the latest polls in Ohio and Texas. America will have to wait until the 2012 elections to renew the chances of a woman as a president, and that only if Hillary, Condoleezza or Larry Craig decide to run.

Media
Seventy percent of Americans feel the media is out of touch. The other 30 percent feel the media has touched them inappropriately.

News Anchors
Fox News anchor Ainsley Earhardt said that Fox female anchors do not wear pants because at Fox they like to be feminine. Hellooooo….. said Anderson Cooper of CNN.

McCain
Political experts are saying that to offset his weaknesses, McCain should choose a younger Vice president. That leaves his chances quite open: everybody but Larry King.

Nurses
A new survey by the Royal College of Nursing in London found that one in six nurses admitted to having sex with a patient; especially if you consider prostate exams some kind of sex.

A new survey by the Royal College of Nursing in London found that one in six nurses admitted to having sex with a patient. Unfortunately, the survey also said that only one in six nurses is OK looking and she is probably the one that didn’t have sex with you.

Waterboarding
A business in Utah is being sued for using waterboarding to motivate its sales people. No harm done; they sell oxygen tanks.

Liars
A new book claims that women are better liars than men. I don’t know about that… have you seen Hillary’s polls lately?

Sleep
According to the National Sleep Foundation, 29% of Americans have fallen asleep at work in just the past months. Apparently, most of them work as Mike Huckabee’s campaign staffers.

Larry King
Last week Larry King danced together with Janet Jackson during his show. People still think they were watching the video of Thriller. Somehow they assumed Larry was one of the zombies.

Last week Larry King danced together with Janet Jackson during his show. CNN executives were sweating; they thought they could be fined again for having Janet showing a boob… in this case, Larry.

American Idol
A three-year-old almost drowned in the bathtub because her mom was preoccupied watching “American Idol.” On a positive note, the kid was the lucky one that missed Ryan Seacrest’s stupid attempts at being funny.