March 5th 2008

McCain
McCain had an exceptional, never-to-be-forgotten day Tuesday: First he swept in all four states the GOP held elections and then Huckabee threw in the towel and it fell on Obama’s head.

On Monday, John McCain said he is the right person to answer the phone at 3 a.m. in the White House. McCain said that it is hard to ignore your phone when your ring tone is: “Bomb bomb bomb Iran…”

On Monday, John McCain said he is the right person to answer the phone at 3 a.m. in the White House. He won’t have any problems because he gets out of bed to go to the bathroom every ten minutes.

Moses
An Israeli researcher claims that Moses was on psychedelic drugs. Apparently, he was not taking the Hebrews in search of the new land; he was taking them to a Phish concert.

An Israeli researcher claims that Moses was on psychedelic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments. So there were probably 20 commandments, but he forgot the other 10.

American Idol
The Associated Press reported on Tuesday that there were no plans to remove contestant David Hernandez from American Idol, despite the semifinalist's past as a male stripper. Apparently, they are going to keep him around until Ryan Seacrest runs out of $1 bills.

Hillary
Hillary Clinton said she's earned every wrinkle on her face. Come on, give some credit to Bill!

Hillary Clinton said she's earned every wrinkle on her face. She has returned tons of those wrinkles back with all the Botox she’s had.