March 12th 2008

Eliot Spitzer
New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was identified by law enforcement sources on Monday as "Client 9" in an investigation related to a prostitution ring. When asked about why Spitzer was known as client number 9, law enforcement explained that that’s the way prostitutes categorized him, and believe me; you don’t want to be known as client number 2 and a half.

The New York Times reported Monday that Eliot Spitzer may have rendezvoused with a call girl at Washington, DC's distinguished Mayflower Hotel. Apparently, that was not the first time a renowned politician may have had sex in the Mayflower; it is rumored that John McCain had a hard time in the Mayflower, but got to convince a couple of Puritan girls.

Wall Street had Tuesday one of the biggest bounce in more than five years with the Dow Jones gaining 416 points. Economists believe the influx of money comes from executives that were afraid to use it in call girls after what happened to Spitzer.

Eliot Spitzer used the name George Fox, a big donor during Spitzer’s political campaign, when he registered at the Hotel to have sex with the $5000 prostitute. Spitzer told his donors not to feel bad because if you donated $20 or less he probably used your name when he had sex with a cheap hooker in a Brooklyn alley.

More details have surfaced in the Eliot Spitzer’s sex scandal. Apparently, he’d ask prostitutes for things that are not considered safe: like getting loans from Countrywide Financial Corp.

Life Expectancy
A recent study finds that those with more than 12 years of education can expect to live longer than those with fewer years. Do you qualify if you did more than 12 years in school but spent 10 of those in third grade?

A recent study finds that those with more than 12 years of education can expect to live longer than those with fewer years. The hard part is to survive the 12 years in school without being shot at.

Teens
A recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that one in four teenage American girls has a sexually transmitted disease. The study also revealed that one in four teenage girls will end up as a contestant in the TV shows Bret Michaels’ “Rock of Love” and “Flavor of Love.”

Graffiti
An Israeli airliner was spray-painted with anti-Semitic graffiti at an Italian airport. Apparently, Mel Gibson hated the in-flight movie.

Cheney
Vice President Dick Cheney is to visit the Middle East next week. It seems he’ll be scouting locations for the next attack.

Movie
DreamWorks has a new animated movie on the way called "Monsters vs. Aliens." It is rumored that the movie is about the first stage of the Democratic primaries when Hillary was competing against Kucinich.