April 10th 2008

Tons of jokes today...for comments, suggestions, idea please e-mail me at
pedrobartes@hotmail.com

Baby with two faces
A baby with two faces was born in a northern Indian village, media reports say. She is considered a goddess because she can answer customer questions twice as fast as any other Indian tech support.

An apparently healthy baby girl with two faces has been born in northern India, media reports say. The baby has two mouths but only one set of ears, what makes her like any other woman; she can talk a lot, but hear almost nothing.

Lie Detectors
This month, the Pentagon will issue hand-held lie detectors to U.S. Army soldiers in Afghanistan. They costs $7500 each and are 60% accurate. Some people think it is a waste of money because we can use another device with 50% accuracy that’ll save us $7,499.75.... Just flip a quarter.

The Pentagon will begin equipping U.S. soldiers with hand-held lie detectors. Expect fewer and fewer visits from politicians in the area.

Eggs
Middle-aged men who eat seven or more eggs a week have a higher risk of earlier death, U.S. researchers reported on Wednesday. Also with a higher risk of earlier death are those who live near the people that eat seven or more eggs a week especially if they pass gas a lot.

Discovery
Australian scientists uncovered several 35,000-year-old "tools." Apparently, they found Ryan Seacrest’s, the Baldwin brothers’ and Tyra Bank’s ancestors.

Singers
Beyoncé was wearing a huge diamond ring at Jay-Z’s concert in Atlanta on Tuesday night. Reporters cannot decide weather this is a confirmation that they are married or Jay-Z has been caught cheating on her.

Ashlee Simpson announced yesterday that she and Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz are engaged. She also announced that she’ll get into the studio this week to record her vows to be able to lip-sync them at the wedding ceremony.

Bible
A new survey confirms that the Bible is America's favorite book, especially among politicians who are killing time at motels waiting for their escorts to arrive.

GOP convention
Bars and restaurants in Minneapolis will be able to open until 4 am during the Republican National Convention. It makes a lot of sense if we take into account that we voted our last president because he was American’s favorite candidate to have a beer with.

Bars and restaurants in Minneapolis will be able to open until 4 am during the Republican National Convention. As for the bathrooms, GOP members requested they stay open 24 hours a day.

Airlines
American Airlines canceled more than 1,000 flights yesterday. It immediately increased their average of delayed people by 2.

Buckner
Bill Buckner has thrown out the ceremonial first pitch at the Red Sox opening game at Fenway Park. The ceremony was delayed because Buckner arrived late after “he couldn’t catch” his ride in time.

Guns
Lawmakers in Florida passed a bill that would allow people to take their guns to work with them except some places like prisons and schools. Aren’t those the places where you need guns the most?

Lawmakers in Florida passed a bill that would allow people to take their guns to work with them. I can’t wait for my boss to tell me again I can’t xerox my ass again in the community printer.